Just Fucking Use Greptile.

You've spent years pretending your pull request process is "a quality gate" when it's actually:

• a Slack ping
• a tired "LGTM"
• a prayer
• and a production incident you call "learning"

That ends today.

Your code review is a dumpster fire.

You know it. I know it. The CI pipeline knows it. Your on-call rotation definitely knows it.

You open a PR called "small refactor".
It's 1,437 lines.
It touches auth.
It changes a function nobody understands.
It adds a new helper called final_final_v2_really.ts.
And your "review" looks like this:

Congratulations. You didn't do code review.
You did a ceremonial blessing.

And then you act surprised when the bug makes it to prod.
Again.
And again.
And again.

This is the hell you chose.
All because you think "a human should catch it."

Buddy, your humans are busy.
Your senior engineer is in meetings.
Your staff engineer is rewriting the same architecture doc for the 8th time.
Your reviewer is skimming diffs at 6:14pm with one eye closed and the other eye on DoorDash.

And your codebase? Your codebase is not "a repo."
Your codebase is an ancient, sprawling, interdependent ecosystem held together by:

• undocumented assumptions
• "temporary" fixes from 2021
• and a test suite that's 40% vibes and 60% flaky

So unless your reviewer has photographic memory and psychic powers…
they're going to miss shit.

WHAT THE FUCK IS GREPTILE?

Greptile is an AI code reviewer that comments on your PRs in GitHub and GitLab with full context of your codebase.

Not "context" like:
"Oh look, I read the file you changed."

Real context.
As in:
"I understand how this change impacts the five other places this function is called, the weird edge case in your job runner, and the fact that your auth middleware assumes a different ordering than the one you just introduced."

Greptile builds an actual graph of your repository so it understands how your code is connected.
Because, shocker: files don't exist in isolation.
Your code is a spiderweb, and you've been reviewing it like it's a brochure.

HOW IT WORKS (SO YOU CAN STOP ASKING "BUT HOW DOES IT KNOW?")

1. You connect your repo (GitHub/GitLab).
2. Greptile indexes the codebase and builds a graph of the important stuff.
3. On every PR, it reviews changes with that full context and leaves inline comments with what's broken, why it's broken, and what to do about it.
4. You react 👍 / 👎 and reply like a normal human, and it learns what your team actually gives a shit about.

Yes, it learns.
No, not in a "Skynet" way.
In a "stop nagging me about dumb style nits" way.

After a couple weeks, it stops wasting your time on things you keep downvoting.
Imagine that: an AI reviewer that can take feedback instead of doubling down like a fragile senior dev on Twitter.

WHAT YOU GET (BESIDES FEWER FIRES)

Context-aware inline comments

Greptile flags bugs, antipatterns, security issues, and "this will explode later" logic errors — in the PR, where you can fix them while you still remember what you were doing.

PR summaries that don't suck

Big PR? Lots of files?
Greptile gives you a summary, file-by-file breakdowns, and diagrams (yes, diagrams) so the human reviewer can orient themselves without reading the diff like it's a cursed scroll.

A confidence score so you know how risky this merge is

Sometimes the right answer is:
"Sure, it passes tests… but this is spicy."
A simple "how risky is this" signal beats the hell out of "seems fine" as a quality metric.

Custom rules in plain English

You know those "team standards" that exist only in one person's head and a half-dead Notion page?

Write them down like an adult.
Tell Greptile what you want, and it enforces it.

Examples:

• "Avoid any in TypeScript."
• "Include screenshots for UI changes."
• "Don't introduce a new public endpoint without auth + rate limiting."
• "If you touch billing, add tests. Non-negotiable."
• "Don't do database queries in a loop unless you enjoy pain."

You can scope rules to repos, paths, patterns — whatever.
Your house, your rules.

It absorbs your existing repo guidelines

Already have a claude.md, cursorrules, agents.md, or a style guide markdown file?
Cool. Greptile can use that instead of forcing you into Yet Another Config Religion.

It learns from your actual PR discussions

You know what's insane?
Your PR comments are literally the best dataset for "what your team cares about."

Greptile watches what engineers point out repeatedly, distills it into rules, and catches it next time before someone has to type the same comment again.

That's the dream.
That's the whole point.

YOUR CURRENT PROCESS VS GREPTILE (A TRAGEDY IN TWO ACTS)

ACT 1: WITHOUT GREPTILE

• PR opened
• Reviewer skims
• "LGTM"
• Merge
• Prod breaks
• You add a TODO
• You swear you'll "add guardrails"
• Repeat until retirement or bankruptcy

ACT 2: WITH GREPTILE

• PR opened
• Greptile comments:
  • "This change breaks the call path here."
  • "This new code is inconsistent with an existing pattern over there."
  • "This edge case will 500 in this scenario."
  • "This looks like a security footgun."
• Human reviewer reads the summary + the meaningful issues
• You fix it
• You merge
• You sleep like a person who isn't lying to themselves

WHY IT'S FUCKING GREAT

It catches what humans miss

Humans are great at design intent and tradeoffs.
Humans are not great at remembering every coupling across a large repo while speed-reading a diff.

Greptile is a second pair of eyes that actually looked at the whole damn codebase.

It makes review faster and better

Review speed isn't "how fast can we approve."
It's "how fast can we approve without shipping broken garbage."

Greptile accelerates review by doing the boring verification work up front.

It enforces consistency without making your team miserable

You want standards.
You don't want the "standards cop" vibe.

Greptile can be the standards cop so your humans can keep being humans.

It gets quieter over time instead of louder

Most bots start annoying and stay annoying forever.
Greptile is built to learn from feedback so it can shut up about the stuff you don't care about.

(It's basically the opposite of that one coworker who nitpicks forever.)

"But we already have linters/tests!"

Good. Keep them.
Linters catch syntax and formatting.
Tests catch what you bothered to test.

Greptile catches the "this change subtly breaks behavior across files" category — the one that makes you say:
"How did we not catch this?"

Because your tools didn't have the context.
And your reviewers didn't have the time.

"But AI reviewers are noisy and dumb!"

Some are.
And if your only experience is a bot that comments "consider renaming variable" 38 times, I get it.

Greptile is designed to reduce noise by learning from:

• your 👍 / 👎 reactions
• your replies
• your team's repeated feedback patterns

You train it like you train a teammate.
Except it doesn't get defensive and it doesn't leave for a higher offer.

"But security though…"

Yeah, fair.
Code is sensitive.
That's why Greptile supports serious security posture and self-hosting options.

If your org needs it:
Self-host it in your own infrastructure.
Keep control.
Meet your compliance needs.
Sleep at night.

The point is: you don't have to choose between "move fast" and "be reckless."
You can move fast and be a grown-up.

SO WHEN SHOULD YOU JUST FUCKING USE GREPTILE?

• You use GitHub or GitLab and you do PRs (so… yes)
• Your repo is big enough that nobody holds it in their head
• You're tired of bugs that only show up after merge
• You're merging faster than you're reviewing
• You have inconsistent standards and you're sick of repeating comments
• You want human reviewers focused on architecture and design, not "did you miss a null check"
• You're using AI coding tools and you need a verification layer before you ship AI-generated chaos

Stop overthinking. Start catching bugs.

Your PR review process shouldn't be a ritual.
It should be a system.

Just fucking use Greptile.